Josef and Sarah's 4th Anniversary Party
by Nocturne in C Moll
Summary: A sequel…of sorts…to Beth and Mick's 3rd Anniversary Party, which was a sequel…of sorts…to Beth and Josh's 2nd Anniversary Party. Josef takes Beth and Mick's anniversary tradition too far...


**Author's note: **Written _very_ sloppily for the 4th Anniversary of Moonlight. Not betaed, so any bad writing, boo-boos, unbearable cheese, or ridiculous plot holes are mine. Do let me know if you notice anything particularly glaring.

I haven't been around much lately, I know, but…I couldn't forget about how I left you hanging last year! And the year before that…

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

.

* * *

><p><strong>Josef and Sarah's 4th Anniversary Party (or, Keen Wolf)<strong>

The water dripped off their noses, the ends of their hair, the tips of their fingers, the edges of their clothes.

"Turn me."

"No."

She lurched in his arms. "Turn me. _Do it_."

"No, Sarah."

"Do it! Try again. It might work this time."

"Why didn't you tell me you'd swallowed a silver coin as a child?" He squeezed her tighter.

"I didn't think it was relevant! I mean, after all, it came out…eventually." Sarah stamped her foot. "How was I supposed to know that one little incident would put me into a coma seventeen years later when my boyfriend tried to turn me into a vampir_ess_?" she hissed the last syllable.

"You're so beautiful when you're mad at me." Josef grinned and kissed the scars on her neck. "These showers are lots of fun—I can see why Mick and Beth like them so much."

"Yes, well," Sarah said, pushing him away, "you're not supposed to know about them, you naughty, sneaky vampire."

"Who, me?" Josef's eyes widened.

"That innocent little schoolboy routine doesn't work on me, Josef slash Charles slash…_Humperdinck_."

His eyes flashed. "Hey! I told you never to say that name."

She arched her eyebrow provocatively, and he lowered his voice. "C'mon! If the freshies ever found out about it, I'd be a laughingstock."

Sarah looked at him, her lip quivering with restrained laughter.

"It was a popular name back then, all right?" he scowled.

"What…Humperdinck?"

Josef covered his ears with his hands and left the shower, not bothering to grab a towel. Sarah quickly wrapped herself in a towel, grabbed his towel in her right hand and followed.

"Humperdinck!" She snapped his backside with his own towel. "Humperdinck!"

"Owww," Josef jumped, rubbing his bottom. "You're mean. I don't like you anymore."

"Oh, just turn me already!" she scowled. "You chicken!"

"Are you kidding? An eternity with _you_? A woman who calls me terrible names and gives me bruises on my tooshie?"

Her eyes flashed dangerously. "Josef Kostan! I am not playing around anymore. I look twenty-five and I'm not getting any younger. I don't want to start to look older than you and have everyone think I'm a kangaroo."

"I think you mean cougar, sweetheart."

"Whatever."

Josef bit his lip and rolled it between his teeth. "But what if it doesn't work?"

She rolled her eyes. "Don't start going off again how Beth wrecked her and Mick's third anniversary party by going into a coma. She felt really bad about that when she woke up, and about depleting New York City of its entire supply of AO- for three months."

"Well, she didn't _entirely_ wreck it…" Josef trailed off, lost in the memory of a slinky red dress.

Sarah's eyes narrowed. She cleared her throat, and he snapped to attention.

"I don't know what I'd do without you," he said quickly. "_Again_. I've spent nearly 400 years of my life without you, and that's far too long."

"I woke up, Josef. To you. It was the best day of my life, one I'd like to repeat for all eternity. Please give me that chance."

Their eyes locked, and he began to move toward her. Then the doorbell chimed, and they both sighed.

"Oh, look! People are here…early." Josef frowned and looked down. "And I'm totally naked."

Sarah smiled smugly. "I told you people don't like it when their guests show up early. Now you know why."

Josef shrugged and walked toward the bedroom door with an impish grin. "I think I'll make sure they never show up early again."

"Josef! You can't!" Sarah hissed after him. Putting a palm to her temple, she fell back against the dresser and waited. Once she heard the heavy oak doors open and a woman scream, she sighed and moved toward the closet. "I need a martini."

* * *

><p>"Did you, uh, just get out of your freezer?" Beth stammered, attempting to avert her eyes. Mick squeezed her hand.<p>

Josef's eyes narrowed. "Why?"

"Because you're uh, well—the freezer is kinda cold, and—"

"What are you trying to say?"

"Happy Anniversary to you and Sarah?" she finished uncertainly.

Josef turned to lead the way into the house and Beth followed along with Mick, saying behind her hand, "Although it's not going to be much of a happy anniversary for Sarah, if you know what I mean."

"I can hear you, you know," Josef gritted his teeth.

Mick frowned. "Hey Josef, is that a towel mark on—"

"No."

"Okay…"

Josef led the way to the open living room next to the door and staircase. Mick followed him over to the bar, but Beth paused behind the loveseat which sat to one side of room.

A furrow appeared in Mick's brow. "Beth, why are you standing behind the couch?"

"I don't know—I feel like someone should be."

"But this is so awkward," Josef said, stretching. "I _love_ awkward. And aren't anniversaries supposed to be about the things you love?"

Someone cleared her throat, and they all looked up to see Sarah descending the stairs.

"I apologize for Josef's lack of pants. There is no excuse," she said to Mick and Beth, and shot Josef a baleful glance.

"Ah—my wife." Josef held out a hand as she glided toward him. "You got dressed quickly, my dear."

Sarah flashed him a smile. "Yes, well, I really needed a martini." She let her eyes drift lower and shook her head. "Oh, dear."

The doorbell rang, but before Josef could take a step, Mick held up a hand. "You know what? I'll get the door, Josef. It's probably just Carl and the Cleaner, and you know the Cleaner's flair for dramatics. We don't want any eye-gouging to occur, even if her eyes would heal."

He moved toward the door, and everyone else followed him with their eyes.

Josef grinned. "Anyone else feel like Mick is in a horror movie right now? Like, you know, one of the ones where the idiot female goes down to the basement half-naked to check out the creepy noise and it turns out to be some psychopath serial killer monster?"

Beth and Sarah stared at Josef for a long moment and then both blinked slowly. "Yes…_Mick_ is the one dressed indecently here," Beth said.

Mick opened the door. His eyes widened. "It's you!"

Before he could react, a fist came flying through the air wielding a silver stake. It struck him through the heart, and he went down.

"Mick!" Beth shrieked.

Josh Lindsey stepped through the doorway, paused over Mick's body, and surveyed the room.

"Josh! But you died on our second anniversary!"

"That's what I wanted you to think—I'm actually a werewolf. I slowed my heartbeat so even the vampires couldn't detect it."

"You played dead?" Josef snorted with glee and clapped his hands together. "Do you fetch, too? Here, boy!" He picked up a newspaper off his easy chair and threw it at him. It bounced off his head, and Josh snarled.

"Josh?" Beth said, shooting a quelling glance at the naked vampire. "Is that even possible? Going undetected by vampires, I mean."

"Don't blame me—blame the authors who are forced to make werewolves sneakier and cooler than vampires in order to justify the writers who weren't bringing in werewolves until season two. I don't know how they were going to explain nobody knowing their existence."

"I knew," Josef piped up.

"Sure you did."

"Fine. Don't believe me."

They glared at each other until Josef spoke. "So let me get this straight: you took—" he counted on his fingers as he stepped backward until the back of his thigh bumped into an end-table "—_seven_ years to come back for your revenge?"

"I had to work for a while to afford the silver stake," Josh said defensively. "There's not much money in revenge."

"Ah." Josef calmly opened a drawer in the end-table, pulled out a crossbow with a silver-tipped arrow, and shot him through the heart. "Told you I knew. If you come back from that, then you're a really good lawyer!" he shouted at Josh's body. He turned around to find Sarah glaring at him, hands on her hips. "What?"

"I told you I don't like it when you leave weapons lying around the house!"

"It wasn't lying around—I put it in a drawer, Sarah."

A groan from Mick drew their attention.

"Mick!" Beth cried. "I forgot about your stake!"

He tilted his head incredulously, and she bit her lip. "I'm sorry?"

"Take…it…out!" he groaned.

"Oh! Right…" She knelt beside him and yanked the stake out. Mick jerked upwards, then collapsed back onto the floor, inhaling and exhaling shakily.

"Mick?"

"It was a silver stake. He needs blood," Josef stated.

Beth waved her arm in front of Mick's mouth. "Honey, come on. I've got what you need."

Mick slowly opened his eyes. "No…not yours…not like this."

"Huh? We do this all the time, Mick! And I _still_ haven't figured out what that means, by the way." She kept her arm steady before his face until he finally succumbed to his need for blood. Several moments later, when she was feeling light-headed, he stopped.

"I'm good, I'm good," he said, wiping his mouth and laying back down on the ground. "I just need to rest for a while."

"I don't know what I would do without you," Beth murmured, running a finger along his cheekbone.

"Right back atcha, kid," he grinned weakly.

"Josef," Beth said suddenly. "How would you become a werewolf?"

He shrugged. "Getting bit by one'll do it."

She nodded slowly, then set her jaw. "Okay." Scooting over beside Josh, she opened his mouth as wide as possible and pushed at his gums until his teeth extended.

"Beth!" Mick groaned, rolling over with his arm outstretched. "What are you doing?"

"I can't become a vampire because of my blood type…but maybe I can become a werewolf."

"What?"

"Would you still love me if I became very, very hairy and howl every time there's a full moon?"

"Um…yeah…I guess!"

She glared at him.

"Is this a trick question? Yes, of course!"

"Beth, you do realize that Josh the Werewolf is dead, right?" Josef interjected.

She looked up at him, eyes wide. "Does that mean it won't work?"

He blinked and threw up his hands. "I don't know! No one's ever been _crazy_ enough to try it."

"Says the man who came to his own anniversary party with no pants on." She shut her eyes and prepared to impale her forearm on Josh's teeth. "Wait…vampires and werewolves are compatible, right?"

"Boy, does that ever bring to mind some very unfortunate mental imagery," Josef grimaced, shaking his head. "_Wow_."

"Oh, forget I asked!" Beth rolled her eyes. "I could thank you for some unfortunate mental imagery as well," she shuddered and turned back to Josh's body.

"Josef, if this works, you have to try and turn me again," Sarah whispered in his ear. "I won't be the only mortal in your circle of friends!"

He sighed. "Sarah, can we talk about this later? Like when I have some pants on? I'm starting to feel very exposed. Beth keeps looking at me with a very predatory gleam in her eye—and she's not even a werewolf yet!"

Beth shot him a murderous look and clamped Josh's teeth over her forearm.

"Beth…are you sure about this?" Mick grunted.

"Yes. I want to be with you forever."

"Well, when she puts it like that…" Josef quipped. "Uh, you'll need to break the skin."

Beth rolled her eyes. "Well, obviously!"

"Don't encourage her, Josef!"

Josef's eyes were locked on Beth trying to manoeuvre Josh's jaw so she could close it with enough force. Finally he exhaled impatiently and rubbed his brow. "This is the stupidest turning ever!"

She dropped Josh's head abruptly and it fell against the floor with a loud thump. "Then help me!" she glared at him.

He shrugged and began to move towards her.

"Stop!" Beth cried, holding up a hand and not looking directly at him. "Somebody wearing pants, please help me!"

"I'm wearing a dress," Sarah said.

"Why do I have to be the only one wearing pants?" Mick groaned. "Beth, you want your vampire lover to help you use your dead ex-boyfriend's body to turn you into a werewolf?"

Beth bit her lip. "You're right, that is a weird thing to ask. Can I borrow your pocket knife?"

He sighed and rolled over so she could retrieve the knife from his back pocket.

The doorbell rang, and everyone looked at each other.

"Come in?" Josef called, picking up the crossbow once more.

The door opened and Carl and the Cleaner stopped short in the threshold. "Whoa," Carl said, as they took in Mick, lying limply on the floor next to a silver stake; Josef, stark naked, aiming a crossbow at them; Josh's corpse, an arrow sticking out of his chest; and Beth, frantically sawing into her forearm with a knife and shoving it into Josh's mouth. "Wait, why is Josef dressed like Cupid?"

Josef scowled. "_That's_ what you wonder about first?"

"I told you being fashionably late was a bad idea," the Cleaner hissed at Carl.

"I think I've got it!" Beth cried, dribbling Josh's saliva into her wound.

Guillermo appeared in the doorway and held up two six-packs of blood. "Hey, I brought drinks _and_ a date!" He reached back and pulled a blonde woman dressed in the black leather uniform into the room, but, upon noticing that no one was paying any attention to them, he blinked and took in the scene around him. "Wow…what did I miss? Why is Josef naked?"

"That's it," Josef declared, "I'm going to go put on pants."

He began to move toward the staircase, when Beth collapsed to the floor and began to convulse.

"Hey, is anyone else getting déjà vu?"


End file.
